I found your site as I was looking for info on the Ride for Roswell. I read Jacquie’s story and it totally brought tears to my eyes. What a brave young beautiful lady she seems to have been. My deepest sympathy to her parents and family. I have a 21 daughter and just the thought of her being ill makes me sick, I cannot imagine where you got the strength to go on with your fight and at this time, after your loss. My heart aches for you and may God Bless all the rest of your days on this earth, until the time you are reunited with your daughter. I am sure Jacquie is still a part of your life as she is probably making her presence known to you in little ways. My sister was recently diagnosed with breat cancer and her fight is just beginning, we are all here to support her, but it appears that no matter what path we anticipate our life to take, God has his own plan and there must be a reason for it all. God Bless you.
Sharon, Thank you so much for coming to Gary’s wake. I know how difficult that must have been for you; it truly meant so much to me. I will keep in touch with you and will continue to keep you in my heart and prayers. ~ Elaine
jac,i’m a big nerd so i’ve been in bed for over an hour now but i can’t sleep bc i can’t stop thinking about you. anyway, one of my favorite memories of you had me laughing and crying at the same time (as usual) and i had to get out of bed to remind you.remember when i worked at mias until all hours of the night, and it was one of the few nights that you were actually NOT working and going out? i was working at mias and you came in after the bar closed with brina for some pizza. you stood at the end of the counter and as i’m frantically trying to serve 200 starving drunk kids, i see you BAWLING out of the corner of my eye. i was so sad, i remember i ran to the end of the counter and asked you BIG, WHAT’S WRONG?!?!!? thinking that someone said something absolutely horrific to you.your response… through sobs and gasping breaths… “sammie, i am … ::sniff sniff:: .. just… so PROUD of you. ::sniff sniff. gasping for air:: i just LOVE you SO MUCH you don’t UNDERSTAND. ::sniff sniff blow nose extremely loudly::” i remember BURSTING out laughing… and then crying… and then we both started laughing.. and crying..i miss you so much, big. every day a little more. i hope you’re still proud of me up there. i’m doing the best i can over here with out you to tell me (after the fact) that i made a poor life decision and i should have consulted you sooner.relay for life is coming up and though it’s going to be one of the hardest things to go through in one piece, it’s for you, jac. i miss you so much. i haven’t remembered any dreams with you in it in a while, please stop by tonight cause i have two big tests tomrorow. by big i mean that one of them is dance 100 and i’m using YOUR file from the house as notes. that makes me feel really close to you as i read things written in your handwriting from so long ago. i remember everything about you, jac. i love you.always your little one,samanthamum.
I just heard the Alan Jackson song on sunday and it brought tears to my eyes. I was just coming on to post the lyrics but Casey beat me too it! It is a beautiful song. We will all forever miss you Jax! It just isn’t the same without you. We will all continue with your fight against ALL. I do love all the little signs you continue to send to us.
I miss you Jacquie… so much. Sharon, Torey and TJ I am sorry I haven’t been writing, but I think about you all constantly and I keep believing!Love always,Marietta
Thinking of you all as I read messages from all who loveJackie and those she never knew. I feel sad that I don’t possess her strength and courage . She will always be an inspiration as you carry on her legacy of love and commitment to better our world. She must be so proud of you continuing her work in helping to find a cure . I know that God fills our every need in His own time and pray that each day you will find peace in your hearts as you love and support one another on this earthly walk . Thank you so much for taking time to remember me with your card. You are a very loved and special family.
Hi Sharon, I’m in Hawaii with the Ciao Bellas and I really wanted you to know that Jacquie is with us…we have seen so many signs of her!! Bowers has kept and list and I’ll make sure she puts it up here when we get home. It honestly has made this trip GREAT. We all miss her so much and being together as a group can make the pain worse at times. But I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we have loved sitting together on the beach telling the best Jacquie stories we have. We are all here for you and love you. And Torey…We had a really delicious dinner dedicated to Jacquie…I can’t wait until you see the pictures. Thank you! xoxoBelievingxoxoxo Ashley
I don’t mean to write a huge post, but I heard this song and it brought me to tears. I’m not sure if someone has mentioned it already, but its worth mentioning again. Its called Sissy’s Song by Alan Jackson, and you would think it was written about Jax. God bless, Casey Why did she have to go So young I just don’t know why Things happen half the time Without reason without rhymeLovely, sweet young womanDaughter, wife and motherMakes no sense to meI just have to believeShe flew up to Heaven on the wings of angelsBy the clouds and stars and passed where no one seesAnd she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waitingAnd I know she’s smiling sayingDon’t worry ’bout meLoved ones she left behindJust trying to survive And understand the whyFeeling so lost insideAnger shot straight at GodThen asking for His loveEmpty with disbelief Just hoping that maybeShe flew up to Heaven on the wings of angelsBy the clouds and stars and passed where no one seesAnd she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waitingAnd I know she’s smiling sayingDon’t worry ’bout meIt’s hard to say goodbyeHer picture in my mindWill always be of times I’ll cherishAnd I won’t cry ’causeShe flew up to Heaven on the wings of angelsBy the clouds and stars and passed where no one seesAnd she walks with jesus and her loved ones waitingAnd I know she’s smiling sayingDon’t worry ’bout meDon’t worry ’bout meDon`t worry ’bout me
Dear Jacquie, God saw you getting tired When a cure was not to be. He closed His arms around you and whispered,”Come to Me.” In tears we saw you sinking We watched you fade away. Our hearts were broken as we saw you fight so hard to stay. But when we saw you sleeping So peacefully from pain, We could not wish you back, to suffer again, So keep your arms around her, Lord , and give her that special care only you can give. Make up for all she suffered and all that seems so unfair. We love you Jacquie and you will always remain in our hearts. I believe that you are in such a beautiful place now, that even if you had the option of coming back you would not. Forever we will love you until we’re reunited again. Thank you for teaching me so much about life on earth and how to live each and every day. You have been my inspiration and you left a legacy that i will follow all the days of my life.
Hi Sharon, I feel I need to share with you that on Monday March 23rd I lost my friend Jack to AML. I wrote you about him before. He went to Sloan on Dec.31,had his transplant on the 15th of Jan. Things were ok for a week or so but then he was moved to ICU on the 29th.he never left. I was there on Mon.and feel priviledged to have been able to be there at the end. That is an amazing place. I never knew Drs.who were so geniune and caring. It was something to watch and gave me new respect for what my son does everyday. I am so sad that Renee will now have to do another event in memory of both Jacquie and Jack. We were hoping he would be there to run up the Rocky steps. Thanks for listening and as always you and Tory and TJ are still in my prayers. She will love Jack when she gets to meet him. Hope to see you sometime this summer. Becky Roselli
The Tink shop is beautiful…what a wonderful job you have done with that. It feels so warm and full of magic inside. The wall mural and words from Jacquie inside the gym are breathtaking for many reasons. I do believe in faries, and angels and magic and I still believe so strongly in Jacquies continued strength that guides so many of us and I believe in you Sharon, Torey and TJ! Continue to hang in and hang on.. .it is so difficult. Always thinking of you and sending you extra strength and courage. Love, Sara
Dear Sharon, Every day, I sit on my bench, right near my bedroom window, and I just talk to Jax. I have never missed a day without talking to her. It seems that the more I talk to her, the less stress I have. She is simply an angel, sent from God, to change our lives. I have never ever met such a strong and independant young lady in my life, and I am so blessed to have known her. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers. Keep it up Sharon, I know you are so strong, and I know you can handle this. Give yourself some credit. Organizing all of the fundraisers in honor of Jax, and simply living each and every day. I look up to you and your willingness to make things better. Your honestly doing great, and so is Torey and TJ. We are always and always here, if you need someone just to “lean” on. I believe in you and your family. With Love, Natalie Maranto
There are stars whose radiance is visible on Earth though they have long been extinct. There are people whose brilliance continues to light the world even though they are no longer among the living. These lights are particularly bright when the night is dark. They light the way for humankind. -Hannah Senesh Jacquie lights *my* way…
Dear Sharon, I continue to pray for you and your family daily. I know you are still feeling so much pain… and my heart goes out to you. I also hear so much sadness, despair and depression in your voice. You speak with such hopelessness that has invaded your life. I’m not sure if you’ve ever read any of the psalms in the bible. They are filled with expressions of laments. They wrestle with god’s presence and absence and his loyal and faithful love. You speak as some of the writers in the psalms “You are God- my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go on mourning oppressed by the enemy? (Psalm 42:2) Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger witheld his compassion? (Psalm77:8-9) You have put me in the lowest pit? In the darkest depths. Your wrath lies heavily upon me; you have overwhelmed me with all your waves. (psalm 88:6-7) You see Sharon…Like grief, depression is a journey, it is long and exhausting. It feels like a passage though an arid dessert. The Israelities learned to come to know God through their desert discomfort. In the midst of emotional dispair, you too can experience God. You are not alone in your sadness. Jesus himself was described as ” a man of sorrows” and was very much acquainted with grief. Nancy Guthrie, after the loss of her 2 children wrote: “And so it is in our sadness that we discover a new aspect of God’s character and reach a new understanding of HIm that we would not have known without the loss we are experiencing now. He- Our God is acquainted with grief- did I say that already? He understands like no one else can…He is not trying to rush your sadness either…He’s sad with you…Only he can bring you the comfort you are so looking for…only he can give you the hope you need …and the strength to get up everyday and enjoy life… The life you have left on this earth…the way Jacquie would want you to… I just want you to know that God is with you..he is present, closer to you than a brother…he would never want you to walk this road alone. I know you feel so isolated but it might help every morning to say these words… God you tell me you are present but I don’t feel you…Please God work on my mind and my heart so that I may see your good works today and that I may feel your presence in my life. Let me recite the I believe creed…I believe God’s promises are true… I Believe heaven is real…I believe God will see me through…I believe nothing can separate us from God’s love….I believe God has work for me to do…. Believing against the grain…means having a survival-ist attitude…not only can you survive BUT…you can create something good out of all this sadness….God’s just wants you to cry out !….”God HELP ME BELIEVE !!!! Remember another psalmist wrote…I sought the Lord and He answered me.. and delivered me from my fears…The Lord is near the brokenhearted and he will save those who are crushed in spirit…Just…Call on His name Sharon. Jesus also promised us…I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. (John 16:20) I hope this wasn’t too long…but I’m a sister/friend who cares and wants to help you continue your fight for your emotional survival….you are not carrying this weight alone….keep posting your feelings…keep getting it all out…Heal in your way…there is no recipe for grief..but be on top of your depression if need be …and Please start thinking about the help God so desperately wants to give you. Loving you today and praying for all of you. Karen
Dear Sharon, Tor and TJ, You’re always in our hearts. Sending you all our love and hope for some peace and continued love, and admiration for wonderful Jax! She’s still here with us!
Jax visited me last night for the first time since August! I woke up and knew that I had to share it with you all! I was in my computer room doing grad work, when she walked it. I said hi to her, knowing exactly who she was, but not overly excited to see her. I think thats because I talk to her everyday so its like she is always with me. Well, then it clicked that she was standing next to me! I began crying and I asked her if I could hug her, because I wasn’t sure it if was okay, I didn’t want to make her sick or hurt her or anything. She laughed and said, I wondered how long it would take you to ask! And then she told me that of course I could hug her, because she wasn’t sick anymore. She was beautiful as always. Her hair was down and she had it straightened, and she had a huge smile on her face…in true Jacquie fashion. I woke up at peace for the first time in a long time. May peace find you today. God bless, Casey
Torey, Sharon, and T.J., I just wanted to share with you that my Jacquie tulips are sprouting everywhere in my front garden! I check on them everyday to see how they are doing. I am documenting their progress, and hope that in a few weeks they will be beautiful flowers instead of little leaves coming out of the cold ground. And secondly, I wanted to inform everyone that in the Roswellness rpci spring 2009 issue, there is a great picture of some of Jacquie’s Ride for Roswell team members! I was so excited when I saw their bright green shirts and the purple We Believe, and I was also very proud. Much love to you all, I’ll be sending pictures of those tulips when they finally bloom…a sure sign of Jax. God bless, Casey
i love you and miss you more than anything jacquie. You are constantly in my thoughts, I pray for you and your family all the time. I will always believe in you <3 Please continue to watch over us all beautiful angel. love you, mandz
Hey Jac,So tomorrow i’m going to turn the big 2-1! Can you believe it? I’ve been seeing Tink all over the place and ran into people in random places who saw my bracelet and said they knew you this week. So I know you’ve been saying lots of hellos to me recently. I still have your voicemail from my last birthday where you were making sure I was staying out of the trouble occurring in Panama City. I miss you so much, but am so happy when you give me signs. I love you Tink! Hirsch Family,I love you guys and I think of you throughout everyday. I hope we can come visit soon I miss you all.Love youAli
Sharon, I haven’t written in a long time, but I wanted you to know that Jacquie is always in my heart and you, Torey and TJ continue to be in our prayers. After reading your latest post, I wanted to reassure you that Jacquie did play and she played hard! The smile on her face was proof of that! Her laugh that I can still hear so well around the gym and the joy she had with her always! This past weekend I was at my parents and came across some old pictures. I found some pictures of Jacquie when she was at our house with me, one of the many times I babysat her and TJ. She was swinging on the swings with my neices, they had to be about 8. She even had a cast on her arm! Jacquie never let anything hold her down for long! Her strength was unimaginable, even then! I will treasure those pictures, along with my many memories of her smile. She is truly missed and I only wish there was something we could do to ease your pain… Love always, Missy
Surely Jacquie put in the request w/ the other angels to give Buffalo such a beautiful St. Patrick’s Day. All these firsts…. so painful….I think it must be why the saying 1 day at a time is expressed & felt by so many people. I believe many green beers were raised in Jacquie’s honor yesterday.
Hi Sharon- I find myself still reading your updates even though it brings me to tears. I usually try to avoid anything sad, I have always tried to never cry- for some reason I want to read and cry. My little guy, maybe not so little anymore (11 yrs. old), but always my little guy. Has been asking me a ton of questions about death lately. I lay in bed with him and we talk. I find myself struggling to give him good reassuring answers, I give him alot of different theories that different people believe. I finally came to let him know of one thing I know for sure. I told him that we are a “holding on” kind of family. I told him that no matter where we are, where we go, we will ALWAYS be holding on to each other. He really liked that. I think you are a “holding on” kind of family.
I just watched the video on your daughter and was very moved. Beautiful young lady with a great smile! I too, have lost loved ones. My daughter Rebecca was only 18 days old and my son Jon, who will have passed 5 years this July, just short of his 19th birthday, of a rare disorder. I know how you feel, but time sure does help. I keep Rebecca and Jon in my heart and am very thankful that I did have them, even if it was only for a short time. Stay strong, keep smiling and your daughter will always be with the three of you.
Good Morning, I’ve been thinking of how to word what I want to tell you… I truly BELIEVE that Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Your heart and soul are wounded, they are broken. And I don’t think any amount of time will take all that pain away. But I know and BELIEVE that time will change that wound. As Kristen said below, one day you do wake up. Everyday becomes a different battle and a different pain. As time passes there will be days where you can laugh and laugh thinking about Jacquie and all the happiness she brought you (and everyone she knew). And as time passes you will have days where you cry and cry because the saddness and loneliness over take you. Don’t think to yourself when will time heal my pain, think when will time change it. I promise you it will change, the pain and the sadness will change. I can’t tell you when or how but I can tell you that one day time will change your wound. I love you Sharon!! Stay strong! xoxo Ashley
jax- thanks for keeping me & the rest of the seussical cast safe last weekend, and for helping all of us to put on 5 amazing shows.i miss you every single day, and my car has become a collage of tinkerbell stickers, and i absolutely love i:) you have no idea how many people you continue to inspire, and you help us all to believe a little bit more every day sharon- i cant wait to see your tattoo 🙂 i bet its beautiful! remember to keep your chin up and to lean on all of us when you need to- thats what we’re here fori love all four of you<3
I just wanted to say that I love you all and think about you everyday. I find myself constantly talking about Jax to people and sharing her story. She’s still teaching…Sharon I cannot wait to see your tattoo!! I just know Jacquie is so proud of you. And of course Grandma Bree as well. I started a team for the Geneseo Relay for Life in honor of Jax. It’s called “Pixie Power” anyone who wants to join it is welcome!! That Relay is dedicated to Jax and we’ll be having a bone marrow drive there in her honor. If anyone wants to join just go to http://www.relayforlife.org/sunygeneseo and find the team Pixie Power. I love you guys and think of you always. I hope I get to see you soon!! <3 Sadie
Sharon, I am constantly thinking of you and Torey and TJ. I check the updates that you write religiously. Please don’t ever stop writing. I BELIEVE it is such a healthy way for you to cope. People want to be there for all of you, and this website maintains a communication line that is amazing for people to offer you their support and to be able to have a better understanding of what it’s like to have gone through what you and Torey and TJ have survived for and with Jacquie. It strengthens one’s commitment to continue to support all of you and the foundation. I encourage you to continue to use this website as your best tool for inner strength as well as communication and outreach for the foundation. People want to be there for all of you, and this is the best way to maintain that. You are strong, and you are dedicated. You are making things happen that you don’t even realize. Jacquie will NEVER leave your side. I am very proud of you for your strength and BELIEF in all that you do. You, and Torey , and TJ are an inspiration to others through Jacquie’s honor and memory. You are a true representation of how human beings should be living their lives and what the important things in life really are. Your contributions to change this world really do matter, and I BELIEVE that you will succeed. My love and God’s blessings to you today and always, Jennifer
You’d think I’d know how to start this considering it has taken me almost three months to gather the courage to write it, but I don’t. That statement alone should however, tell you how brave you are Sharon. The fact that you have the courage to write once a week, once a month, once a year even, should show you that you are at least a little bit braver than most of the rest of us. It has taken me so long to write this because I’ve been having these thoughts ever since January 10th. January 10th is the anniversary of my dad’s passing which was now 3 years ago. These 3 years have honestly been the longest, shortest 3 years of my life. I still have moments where I stop and say to myself, “Wait, I don’t understand? Why can’t I talk to him anymore? Why can’t I call him and tell him how great or horrible something is?” It still, 3 years later, doesn’t make any sense to me why God chose to take him and leave me without a Dad. But, there is a catch: somehow, someway: life does go on. I can tell you the exact date that I woke up and realized that. After “it” had happened I woke up one day and realized that instead of pretending to keep on living like he would want me to, I had to actually wake up and do it. I woke up that morning and realized that I had to start actually waking up again. Maybe it’ll take six months, maybe it’ll take two years, no one can tell you that but I can tell you I am fairly certain that will happen for you. You will never forget and your life will never be the same but someday you will wake up again. Every January 10th I wake up and that day is the worst day of my life. The pain is just as fresh and sharp as it was when I got that phone call that it was over. But all the other days I really, truly am able to wake up and keep going and be a person that I think my Dad would proud of. The moral of this story is, don’t worry about how difficult it was for you to wake up yesterday or how hard it may be tomorrow; just know that someday you will really be able to wake up again. Jacquie isn’t here anymore because she lives on through and for all of us. Maybe none of us were strong enough to go on without her living through us, guiding us to do the right thing, making us smile as big as she always did. I don’t know. I really don’t have an actual answer or reason or rhyme for any of these things to have happened to any of us. I do, however, BELIEVE that things like this happen to make us better and make us understand the people we are actually supposed to be. I certainly cannot make you feel any better today and I definitely cannot tell you that tomorrow you will feel any better than today but I can tell you that one day you will certainly feel her coursing through you, making you better and stronger. Even if she isn’t there, she always will be, just like all of us always will. Forever Believing. Kristen
SharonThis is the first time writing on the board but as I sit here reading your latest update I wonder why things happen the way they do.I truly wish that I could find the words to comfort you but know that I am thinking of you and I am so proud of you and your family.
TJ, Sharon, and Torey, Always thinking about you, Believing, forever. Jax – we got the Times Center in NYC – eeeeek! (I have big plans for the west coast)
Sharon, I know I am a few days behind…but I also remember when Jax got discharged early!! We were all amazed, all the ciao bellas, that Jax was supposed to be stuck in that room for a month and there she was getting out so early!! Leave it to Jax to beat the odds and show the Doctor’s how tough she is. And I’m glad you heard her voice in your head telling you how much she loved that you were her caregiver and how much faith she had in you…she really truly did. Everytime we would visit Jax she would tell us how lucky she is to have you and how much she loved spending the time with you. And she would always say that she was not sick of you at all! That she really missed you when you weren’t in her Tink Room with her!! I think that is so important for you to remember and hold on too!! We all miss Jax and I agree it’s not fair at all…but keep believing that she is 100% pain and cancer free and is always always always with us!! I love you! (You’re not alone…so many are behind you whenever you need). xoBelieveox Ashley
Ok Jacquie…and Sharon please picture this one. I heard recently that Michael got ROLLERBLADES> Now get a mental image of him not only on rollerblades but with knee pads, elbow pads etc. All I can think of is this image of him at a rollerrink tootling along to Saturday night fever. I wonder if he has used them or if they hang from his rear view mirror for decor?? I do believe this deserves more razzing than my jazzercise. I do wish Jacquie you were with us to read this. ugh! Thinking of you Sharon and sending a hug and hand hold. Love, Sara
when sara and her family were in colorado springs a few weeks ago, they were at the olympic training center and this phrase was on the wall…. sara and i both thought it needed to be here. PRAXIS “means not only to try, but also to penetrate, to fight, to give in, to win, to lose, to kneel down, to get up, to accept the struggle and fight until the last breath…” our dear girl, you did all that and so much more.
i cannot wait to see your tattoo! grandma is like a biker babe now, hahha…did tj tell you that i had mine on my foot redone? its beautiful i know jacquie would love it! i love and miss you always jax! aunt sharon, unlce torey and tj, i love you all and am always here for you, love, cousin angela
Jacquie, It is so much more than painful. Today as I left your mom a message Elise said “mom if you say you miss Jacquie you will make Sharon sad”. I explained that her heart is very sad and many things I could say will make her sad, even funny stories about you and I because she does not have her daughter with her. We then talked about the few visits you made with your mom to see the kids when they were so little. Elise asked what did she look like? I said (with a tear and a smile), she had long blonde curlyish hair, sprakley eyes, a huge light up the room smile and was beautiful and full of life, always. Your smile remained the same from when you were a little girl through your years and you even managed that beautiful smile when I was blessed enough to see you in August while I was home (a moment I treasure). I still do not understand the why or the reason and I still so much feel that this is not right. But I do find a way to believe and I find strength in your wisdoms and stories that your mom shares. I am thinking about your mom, dad and TJ and sending them strength as the days probably only get more difficult with time. Thinking about you, always.Love, Sara
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sue says:
April 1, 2009 at 1:05 pm -
Hi Jacquie. I have been missing you alot lately and praying for your family.
JoAnn says:
March 31, 2009 at 3:05 pm -
I found your site as I was looking for info on the Ride for Roswell. I read Jacquie’s story and it totally brought tears to my eyes. What a brave young beautiful lady she seems to have been. My deepest sympathy to her parents and family. I have a 21 daughter and just the thought of her being ill makes me sick, I cannot imagine where you got the strength to go on with your fight and at this time, after your loss. My heart aches for you and may God Bless all the rest of your days on this earth, until the time you are reunited with your daughter. I am sure Jacquie is still a part of your life as she is probably making her presence known to you in little ways. My sister was recently diagnosed with breat cancer and her fight is just beginning, we are all here to support her, but it appears that no matter what path we anticipate our life to take, God has his own plan and there must be a reason for it all. God Bless you.
Elaine MacLaughlin says:
March 31, 2009 at 10:26 am -
Sharon, Thank you so much for coming to Gary’s wake. I know how difficult that must have been for you; it truly meant so much to me. I will keep in touch with you and will continue to keep you in my heart and prayers. ~ Elaine
lil sammie says:
March 31, 2009 at 12:16 am -
jac,i’m a big nerd so i’ve been in bed for over an hour now but i can’t sleep bc i can’t stop thinking about you. anyway, one of my favorite memories of you had me laughing and crying at the same time (as usual) and i had to get out of bed to remind you.remember when i worked at mias until all hours of the night, and it was one of the few nights that you were actually NOT working and going out? i was working at mias and you came in after the bar closed with brina for some pizza. you stood at the end of the counter and as i’m frantically trying to serve 200 starving drunk kids, i see you BAWLING out of the corner of my eye. i was so sad, i remember i ran to the end of the counter and asked you BIG, WHAT’S WRONG?!?!!? thinking that someone said something absolutely horrific to you.your response… through sobs and gasping breaths… “sammie, i am … ::sniff sniff:: .. just… so PROUD of you. ::sniff sniff. gasping for air:: i just LOVE you SO MUCH you don’t UNDERSTAND. ::sniff sniff blow nose extremely loudly::” i remember BURSTING out laughing… and then crying… and then we both started laughing.. and crying..i miss you so much, big. every day a little more. i hope you’re still proud of me up there. i’m doing the best i can over here with out you to tell me (after the fact) that i made a poor life decision and i should have consulted you sooner.relay for life is coming up and though it’s going to be one of the hardest things to go through in one piece, it’s for you, jac. i miss you so much. i haven’t remembered any dreams with you in it in a while, please stop by tonight cause i have two big tests tomrorow. by big i mean that one of them is dance 100 and i’m using YOUR file from the house as notes. that makes me feel really close to you as i read things written in your handwriting from so long ago. i remember everything about you, jac. i love you.always your little one,samanthamum.
Kim says:
March 30, 2009 at 1:47 pm -
I just heard the Alan Jackson song on sunday and it brought tears to my eyes. I was just coming on to post the lyrics but Casey beat me too it! It is a beautiful song. We will all forever miss you Jax! It just isn’t the same without you. We will all continue with your fight against ALL. I do love all the little signs you continue to send to us.
Pinchoff says:
March 30, 2009 at 1:45 pm -
Just wanted you to know that you are all in my thoughts daily… Jacquie is truly an inspiration to everyone.Always BELIEVING in your strength…
Marietta says:
March 28, 2009 at 5:13 pm -
I miss you Jacquie… so much. Sharon, Torey and TJ I am sorry I haven’t been writing, but I think about you all constantly and I keep believing!Love always,Marietta
Marcia says:
March 28, 2009 at 6:26 am -
Thinking of you all as I read messages from all who loveJackie and those she never knew. I feel sad that I don’t possess her strength and courage . She will always be an inspiration as you carry on her legacy of love and commitment to better our world. She must be so proud of you continuing her work in helping to find a cure . I know that God fills our every need in His own time and pray that each day you will find peace in your hearts as you love and support one another on this earthly walk . Thank you so much for taking time to remember me with your card. You are a very loved and special family.
Huer says:
March 27, 2009 at 5:21 pm -
Hi Sharon, I’m in Hawaii with the Ciao Bellas and I really wanted you to know that Jacquie is with us…we have seen so many signs of her!! Bowers has kept and list and I’ll make sure she puts it up here when we get home. It honestly has made this trip GREAT. We all miss her so much and being together as a group can make the pain worse at times. But I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we have loved sitting together on the beach telling the best Jacquie stories we have. We are all here for you and love you. And Torey…We had a really delicious dinner dedicated to Jacquie…I can’t wait until you see the pictures. Thank you! xoxoBelievingxoxoxo Ashley
Casey Stiokas says:
March 27, 2009 at 1:44 pm -
I don’t mean to write a huge post, but I heard this song and it brought me to tears. I’m not sure if someone has mentioned it already, but its worth mentioning again. Its called Sissy’s Song by Alan Jackson, and you would think it was written about Jax. God bless, Casey Why did she have to go So young I just don’t know why Things happen half the time Without reason without rhymeLovely, sweet young womanDaughter, wife and motherMakes no sense to meI just have to believeShe flew up to Heaven on the wings of angelsBy the clouds and stars and passed where no one seesAnd she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waitingAnd I know she’s smiling sayingDon’t worry ’bout meLoved ones she left behindJust trying to survive And understand the whyFeeling so lost insideAnger shot straight at GodThen asking for His loveEmpty with disbelief Just hoping that maybeShe flew up to Heaven on the wings of angelsBy the clouds and stars and passed where no one seesAnd she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waitingAnd I know she’s smiling sayingDon’t worry ’bout meIt’s hard to say goodbyeHer picture in my mindWill always be of times I’ll cherishAnd I won’t cry ’causeShe flew up to Heaven on the wings of angelsBy the clouds and stars and passed where no one seesAnd she walks with jesus and her loved ones waitingAnd I know she’s smiling sayingDon’t worry ’bout meDon’t worry ’bout meDon`t worry ’bout me
Anonymous says:
March 27, 2009 at 10:58 am -
Dear Jacquie, God saw you getting tired When a cure was not to be. He closed His arms around you and whispered,”Come to Me.” In tears we saw you sinking We watched you fade away. Our hearts were broken as we saw you fight so hard to stay. But when we saw you sleeping So peacefully from pain, We could not wish you back, to suffer again, So keep your arms around her, Lord , and give her that special care only you can give. Make up for all she suffered and all that seems so unfair. We love you Jacquie and you will always remain in our hearts. I believe that you are in such a beautiful place now, that even if you had the option of coming back you would not. Forever we will love you until we’re reunited again. Thank you for teaching me so much about life on earth and how to live each and every day. You have been my inspiration and you left a legacy that i will follow all the days of my life.
Becky Roselli says:
March 26, 2009 at 4:22 pm -
Hi Sharon, I feel I need to share with you that on Monday March 23rd I lost my friend Jack to AML. I wrote you about him before. He went to Sloan on Dec.31,had his transplant on the 15th of Jan. Things were ok for a week or so but then he was moved to ICU on the 29th.he never left. I was there on Mon.and feel priviledged to have been able to be there at the end. That is an amazing place. I never knew Drs.who were so geniune and caring. It was something to watch and gave me new respect for what my son does everyday. I am so sad that Renee will now have to do another event in memory of both Jacquie and Jack. We were hoping he would be there to run up the Rocky steps. Thanks for listening and as always you and Tory and TJ are still in my prayers. She will love Jack when she gets to meet him. Hope to see you sometime this summer. Becky Roselli
Sara (albuquerque) says:
March 26, 2009 at 3:15 pm -
The Tink shop is beautiful…what a wonderful job you have done with that. It feels so warm and full of magic inside. The wall mural and words from Jacquie inside the gym are breathtaking for many reasons. I do believe in faries, and angels and magic and I still believe so strongly in Jacquies continued strength that guides so many of us and I believe in you Sharon, Torey and TJ! Continue to hang in and hang on.. .it is so difficult. Always thinking of you and sending you extra strength and courage. Love, Sara
Anonymous says:
March 26, 2009 at 1:50 pm -
not a day that goes by that i don’t think about you or miss you. you continue to inspire, i promise. i love you.<3
Sharon Colasanti says:
March 26, 2009 at 10:35 am -
Sharon My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family daily. I don’t know what else to say except that my heart goes out to you.
natalie M. says:
March 25, 2009 at 6:40 pm -
Dear Sharon, Every day, I sit on my bench, right near my bedroom window, and I just talk to Jax. I have never missed a day without talking to her. It seems that the more I talk to her, the less stress I have. She is simply an angel, sent from God, to change our lives. I have never ever met such a strong and independant young lady in my life, and I am so blessed to have known her. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers. Keep it up Sharon, I know you are so strong, and I know you can handle this. Give yourself some credit. Organizing all of the fundraisers in honor of Jax, and simply living each and every day. I look up to you and your willingness to make things better. Your honestly doing great, and so is Torey and TJ. We are always and always here, if you need someone just to “lean” on. I believe in you and your family. With Love, Natalie Maranto
aunt val says:
March 25, 2009 at 9:52 am -
here, wanting to help, wanting to make it all go away
Anonymous says:
March 25, 2009 at 8:45 am -
There are stars whose radiance is visible on Earth though they have long been extinct. There are people whose brilliance continues to light the world even though they are no longer among the living. These lights are particularly bright when the night is dark. They light the way for humankind. -Hannah Senesh Jacquie lights *my* way…
Karen Kacko Calandra says:
March 24, 2009 at 11:09 am -
Dear Sharon, I continue to pray for you and your family daily. I know you are still feeling so much pain… and my heart goes out to you. I also hear so much sadness, despair and depression in your voice. You speak with such hopelessness that has invaded your life. I’m not sure if you’ve ever read any of the psalms in the bible. They are filled with expressions of laments. They wrestle with god’s presence and absence and his loyal and faithful love. You speak as some of the writers in the psalms “You are God- my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go on mourning oppressed by the enemy? (Psalm 42:2) Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger witheld his compassion? (Psalm77:8-9) You have put me in the lowest pit? In the darkest depths. Your wrath lies heavily upon me; you have overwhelmed me with all your waves. (psalm 88:6-7) You see Sharon…Like grief, depression is a journey, it is long and exhausting. It feels like a passage though an arid dessert. The Israelities learned to come to know God through their desert discomfort. In the midst of emotional dispair, you too can experience God. You are not alone in your sadness. Jesus himself was described as ” a man of sorrows” and was very much acquainted with grief. Nancy Guthrie, after the loss of her 2 children wrote: “And so it is in our sadness that we discover a new aspect of God’s character and reach a new understanding of HIm that we would not have known without the loss we are experiencing now. He- Our God is acquainted with grief- did I say that already? He understands like no one else can…He is not trying to rush your sadness either…He’s sad with you…Only he can bring you the comfort you are so looking for…only he can give you the hope you need …and the strength to get up everyday and enjoy life… The life you have left on this earth…the way Jacquie would want you to… I just want you to know that God is with you..he is present, closer to you than a brother…he would never want you to walk this road alone. I know you feel so isolated but it might help every morning to say these words… God you tell me you are present but I don’t feel you…Please God work on my mind and my heart so that I may see your good works today and that I may feel your presence in my life. Let me recite the I believe creed…I believe God’s promises are true… I Believe heaven is real…I believe God will see me through…I believe nothing can separate us from God’s love….I believe God has work for me to do…. Believing against the grain…means having a survival-ist attitude…not only can you survive BUT…you can create something good out of all this sadness….God’s just wants you to cry out !….”God HELP ME BELIEVE !!!! Remember another psalmist wrote…I sought the Lord and He answered me.. and delivered me from my fears…The Lord is near the brokenhearted and he will save those who are crushed in spirit…Just…Call on His name Sharon. Jesus also promised us…I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. (John 16:20) I hope this wasn’t too long…but I’m a sister/friend who cares and wants to help you continue your fight for your emotional survival….you are not carrying this weight alone….keep posting your feelings…keep getting it all out…Heal in your way…there is no recipe for grief..but be on top of your depression if need be …and Please start thinking about the help God so desperately wants to give you. Loving you today and praying for all of you. Karen
Indie says:
March 24, 2009 at 7:58 am -
Dear Sharon, Tor and TJ, You’re always in our hearts. Sending you all our love and hope for some peace and continued love, and admiration for wonderful Jax! She’s still here with us!
Casey Stiokas says:
March 24, 2009 at 7:57 am -
Jax visited me last night for the first time since August! I woke up and knew that I had to share it with you all! I was in my computer room doing grad work, when she walked it. I said hi to her, knowing exactly who she was, but not overly excited to see her. I think thats because I talk to her everyday so its like she is always with me. Well, then it clicked that she was standing next to me! I began crying and I asked her if I could hug her, because I wasn’t sure it if was okay, I didn’t want to make her sick or hurt her or anything. She laughed and said, I wondered how long it would take you to ask! And then she told me that of course I could hug her, because she wasn’t sick anymore. She was beautiful as always. Her hair was down and she had it straightened, and she had a huge smile on her face…in true Jacquie fashion. I woke up at peace for the first time in a long time. May peace find you today. God bless, Casey
Lisa Berman (Lisa Nastasi) says:
March 24, 2009 at 12:15 am -
Sharon, You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers. Jacquie will always be with you.
Casey Stiokas says:
March 23, 2009 at 7:59 pm -
Torey, Sharon, and T.J., I just wanted to share with you that my Jacquie tulips are sprouting everywhere in my front garden! I check on them everyday to see how they are doing. I am documenting their progress, and hope that in a few weeks they will be beautiful flowers instead of little leaves coming out of the cold ground. And secondly, I wanted to inform everyone that in the Roswellness rpci spring 2009 issue, there is a great picture of some of Jacquie’s Ride for Roswell team members! I was so excited when I saw their bright green shirts and the purple We Believe, and I was also very proud. Much love to you all, I’ll be sending pictures of those tulips when they finally bloom…a sure sign of Jax. God bless, Casey
Amanda Cavarella says:
March 20, 2009 at 8:32 pm -
i love you and miss you more than anything jacquie. You are constantly in my thoughts, I pray for you and your family all the time. I will always believe in you <3 Please continue to watch over us all beautiful angel. love you, mandz
Ali/ Lil lil says:
March 20, 2009 at 6:09 pm -
Hey Jac,So tomorrow i’m going to turn the big 2-1! Can you believe it? I’ve been seeing Tink all over the place and ran into people in random places who saw my bracelet and said they knew you this week. So I know you’ve been saying lots of hellos to me recently. I still have your voicemail from my last birthday where you were making sure I was staying out of the trouble occurring in Panama City. I miss you so much, but am so happy when you give me signs. I love you Tink! Hirsch Family,I love you guys and I think of you throughout everyday. I hope we can come visit soon I miss you all.Love youAli
aunt val says:
March 18, 2009 at 6:41 pm -
beautiful girl…………..there are never words to say what i feel, just this immense sadness and anger.
Missy Somers says:
March 17, 2009 at 9:30 pm -
Sharon, I haven’t written in a long time, but I wanted you to know that Jacquie is always in my heart and you, Torey and TJ continue to be in our prayers. After reading your latest post, I wanted to reassure you that Jacquie did play and she played hard! The smile on her face was proof of that! Her laugh that I can still hear so well around the gym and the joy she had with her always! This past weekend I was at my parents and came across some old pictures. I found some pictures of Jacquie when she was at our house with me, one of the many times I babysat her and TJ. She was swinging on the swings with my neices, they had to be about 8. She even had a cast on her arm! Jacquie never let anything hold her down for long! Her strength was unimaginable, even then! I will treasure those pictures, along with my many memories of her smile. She is truly missed and I only wish there was something we could do to ease your pain… Love always, Missy
Anonymous says:
March 17, 2009 at 6:45 pm -
Surely Jacquie put in the request w/ the other angels to give Buffalo such a beautiful St. Patrick’s Day. All these firsts…. so painful….I think it must be why the saying 1 day at a time is expressed & felt by so many people. I believe many green beers were raised in Jacquie’s honor yesterday.
Jackie F. says:
March 17, 2009 at 5:43 pm -
Hi Sharon- I find myself still reading your updates even though it brings me to tears. I usually try to avoid anything sad, I have always tried to never cry- for some reason I want to read and cry. My little guy, maybe not so little anymore (11 yrs. old), but always my little guy. Has been asking me a ton of questions about death lately. I lay in bed with him and we talk. I find myself struggling to give him good reassuring answers, I give him alot of different theories that different people believe. I finally came to let him know of one thing I know for sure. I told him that we are a “holding on” kind of family. I told him that no matter where we are, where we go, we will ALWAYS be holding on to each other. He really liked that. I think you are a “holding on” kind of family.
Donna says:
March 17, 2009 at 9:13 am -
I just watched the video on your daughter and was very moved. Beautiful young lady with a great smile! I too, have lost loved ones. My daughter Rebecca was only 18 days old and my son Jon, who will have passed 5 years this July, just short of his 19th birthday, of a rare disorder. I know how you feel, but time sure does help. I keep Rebecca and Jon in my heart and am very thankful that I did have them, even if it was only for a short time. Stay strong, keep smiling and your daughter will always be with the three of you.
Angela says:
March 16, 2009 at 3:11 pm -
i love you and miss you everyday jacquie!!! love, cousin angela
Huer says:
March 16, 2009 at 8:39 am -
Good Morning, I’ve been thinking of how to word what I want to tell you… I truly BELIEVE that Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Your heart and soul are wounded, they are broken. And I don’t think any amount of time will take all that pain away. But I know and BELIEVE that time will change that wound. As Kristen said below, one day you do wake up. Everyday becomes a different battle and a different pain. As time passes there will be days where you can laugh and laugh thinking about Jacquie and all the happiness she brought you (and everyone she knew). And as time passes you will have days where you cry and cry because the saddness and loneliness over take you. Don’t think to yourself when will time heal my pain, think when will time change it. I promise you it will change, the pain and the sadness will change. I can’t tell you when or how but I can tell you that one day time will change your wound. I love you Sharon!! Stay strong! xoxo Ashley
Casey Stiokas says:
March 15, 2009 at 10:09 pm -
Jax, I miss you so much. It’s all I feel sometimes, especially on beautiful days like today. It isn’t fair.
Amanda Sachs says:
March 15, 2009 at 3:03 pm -
Hirsches, Hope you are enjoying the beautiful day and the sunshine is putting a smile on your faces! Thinking of you always.. -Amanda
aunt val says:
March 14, 2009 at 2:18 pm -
missing, loving, remembering…..it hurts.
meg dressel says:
March 14, 2009 at 10:01 am -
jax- thanks for keeping me & the rest of the seussical cast safe last weekend, and for helping all of us to put on 5 amazing shows.i miss you every single day, and my car has become a collage of tinkerbell stickers, and i absolutely love i:) you have no idea how many people you continue to inspire, and you help us all to believe a little bit more every day sharon- i cant wait to see your tattoo 🙂 i bet its beautiful! remember to keep your chin up and to lean on all of us when you need to- thats what we’re here fori love all four of you<3
Sadie says:
March 12, 2009 at 4:07 pm -
I just wanted to say that I love you all and think about you everyday. I find myself constantly talking about Jax to people and sharing her story. She’s still teaching…Sharon I cannot wait to see your tattoo!! I just know Jacquie is so proud of you. And of course Grandma Bree as well. I started a team for the Geneseo Relay for Life in honor of Jax. It’s called “Pixie Power” anyone who wants to join it is welcome!! That Relay is dedicated to Jax and we’ll be having a bone marrow drive there in her honor. If anyone wants to join just go to http://www.relayforlife.org/sunygeneseo and find the team Pixie Power. I love you guys and think of you always. I hope I get to see you soon!! <3 Sadie
Jennifer Warnes says:
March 12, 2009 at 11:53 am -
Sharon, I am constantly thinking of you and Torey and TJ. I check the updates that you write religiously. Please don’t ever stop writing. I BELIEVE it is such a healthy way for you to cope. People want to be there for all of you, and this website maintains a communication line that is amazing for people to offer you their support and to be able to have a better understanding of what it’s like to have gone through what you and Torey and TJ have survived for and with Jacquie. It strengthens one’s commitment to continue to support all of you and the foundation. I encourage you to continue to use this website as your best tool for inner strength as well as communication and outreach for the foundation. People want to be there for all of you, and this is the best way to maintain that. You are strong, and you are dedicated. You are making things happen that you don’t even realize. Jacquie will NEVER leave your side. I am very proud of you for your strength and BELIEF in all that you do. You, and Torey , and TJ are an inspiration to others through Jacquie’s honor and memory. You are a true representation of how human beings should be living their lives and what the important things in life really are. Your contributions to change this world really do matter, and I BELIEVE that you will succeed. My love and God’s blessings to you today and always, Jennifer
K. Fahn says:
March 12, 2009 at 1:48 am -
You’d think I’d know how to start this considering it has taken me almost three months to gather the courage to write it, but I don’t. That statement alone should however, tell you how brave you are Sharon. The fact that you have the courage to write once a week, once a month, once a year even, should show you that you are at least a little bit braver than most of the rest of us. It has taken me so long to write this because I’ve been having these thoughts ever since January 10th. January 10th is the anniversary of my dad’s passing which was now 3 years ago. These 3 years have honestly been the longest, shortest 3 years of my life. I still have moments where I stop and say to myself, “Wait, I don’t understand? Why can’t I talk to him anymore? Why can’t I call him and tell him how great or horrible something is?” It still, 3 years later, doesn’t make any sense to me why God chose to take him and leave me without a Dad. But, there is a catch: somehow, someway: life does go on. I can tell you the exact date that I woke up and realized that. After “it” had happened I woke up one day and realized that instead of pretending to keep on living like he would want me to, I had to actually wake up and do it. I woke up that morning and realized that I had to start actually waking up again. Maybe it’ll take six months, maybe it’ll take two years, no one can tell you that but I can tell you I am fairly certain that will happen for you. You will never forget and your life will never be the same but someday you will wake up again. Every January 10th I wake up and that day is the worst day of my life. The pain is just as fresh and sharp as it was when I got that phone call that it was over. But all the other days I really, truly am able to wake up and keep going and be a person that I think my Dad would proud of. The moral of this story is, don’t worry about how difficult it was for you to wake up yesterday or how hard it may be tomorrow; just know that someday you will really be able to wake up again. Jacquie isn’t here anymore because she lives on through and for all of us. Maybe none of us were strong enough to go on without her living through us, guiding us to do the right thing, making us smile as big as she always did. I don’t know. I really don’t have an actual answer or reason or rhyme for any of these things to have happened to any of us. I do, however, BELIEVE that things like this happen to make us better and make us understand the people we are actually supposed to be. I certainly cannot make you feel any better today and I definitely cannot tell you that tomorrow you will feel any better than today but I can tell you that one day you will certainly feel her coursing through you, making you better and stronger. Even if she isn’t there, she always will be, just like all of us always will. Forever Believing. Kristen
Heather says:
March 11, 2009 at 11:32 pm -
SharonThis is the first time writing on the board but as I sit here reading your latest update I wonder why things happen the way they do.I truly wish that I could find the words to comfort you but know that I am thinking of you and I am so proud of you and your family.
Harry says:
March 11, 2009 at 9:09 pm -
TJ, Sharon, and Torey, Always thinking about you, Believing, forever. Jax – we got the Times Center in NYC – eeeeek! (I have big plans for the west coast)
The Tonellato Family says:
March 11, 2009 at 3:30 pm -
Just thinking about your family and want to let you know we think about Jacquie all the time and keep you all in our prayers
Huer says:
March 11, 2009 at 10:33 am -
Sharon, I know I am a few days behind…but I also remember when Jax got discharged early!! We were all amazed, all the ciao bellas, that Jax was supposed to be stuck in that room for a month and there she was getting out so early!! Leave it to Jax to beat the odds and show the Doctor’s how tough she is. And I’m glad you heard her voice in your head telling you how much she loved that you were her caregiver and how much faith she had in you…she really truly did. Everytime we would visit Jax she would tell us how lucky she is to have you and how much she loved spending the time with you. And she would always say that she was not sick of you at all! That she really missed you when you weren’t in her Tink Room with her!! I think that is so important for you to remember and hold on too!! We all miss Jax and I agree it’s not fair at all…but keep believing that she is 100% pain and cancer free and is always always always with us!! I love you! (You’re not alone…so many are behind you whenever you need). xoBelieveox Ashley
Sara (albuquerque) says:
March 9, 2009 at 3:21 pm -
Ok Jacquie…and Sharon please picture this one. I heard recently that Michael got ROLLERBLADES> Now get a mental image of him not only on rollerblades but with knee pads, elbow pads etc. All I can think of is this image of him at a rollerrink tootling along to Saturday night fever. I wonder if he has used them or if they hang from his rear view mirror for decor?? I do believe this deserves more razzing than my jazzercise. I do wish Jacquie you were with us to read this. ugh! Thinking of you Sharon and sending a hug and hand hold. Love, Sara
aunt val says:
March 9, 2009 at 12:09 pm -
when sara and her family were in colorado springs a few weeks ago, they were at the olympic training center and this phrase was on the wall…. sara and i both thought it needed to be here. PRAXIS “means not only to try, but also to penetrate, to fight, to give in, to win, to lose, to kneel down, to get up, to accept the struggle and fight until the last breath…” our dear girl, you did all that and so much more.
angela says:
March 9, 2009 at 10:57 am -
i cannot wait to see your tattoo! grandma is like a biker babe now, hahha…did tj tell you that i had mine on my foot redone? its beautiful i know jacquie would love it! i love and miss you always jax! aunt sharon, unlce torey and tj, i love you all and am always here for you, love, cousin angela
Michael Stoughton says:
March 9, 2009 at 8:57 am -
no words… just thoughts… in whatever form you find it….peace
Amanda Cavarella says:
March 8, 2009 at 1:29 am -
I miss you so so much Jacquie. You are on my mind and in my prayers today and every day. I love you. Always believing, mandz <3
Jackie F. says:
March 7, 2009 at 9:54 pm -
I heard this and found it very comforting “always remember heaven is closer than you think”
Sara (albuquerque) says:
March 6, 2009 at 7:50 pm -
Jacquie, It is so much more than painful. Today as I left your mom a message Elise said “mom if you say you miss Jacquie you will make Sharon sad”. I explained that her heart is very sad and many things I could say will make her sad, even funny stories about you and I because she does not have her daughter with her. We then talked about the few visits you made with your mom to see the kids when they were so little. Elise asked what did she look like? I said (with a tear and a smile), she had long blonde curlyish hair, sprakley eyes, a huge light up the room smile and was beautiful and full of life, always. Your smile remained the same from when you were a little girl through your years and you even managed that beautiful smile when I was blessed enough to see you in August while I was home (a moment I treasure). I still do not understand the why or the reason and I still so much feel that this is not right. But I do find a way to believe and I find strength in your wisdoms and stories that your mom shares. I am thinking about your mom, dad and TJ and sending them strength as the days probably only get more difficult with time. Thinking about you, always.Love, Sara